So I recently had a birthday! I am a huge birthday person and not because of the presents (although I love presents, everyone knows that once you become a Mom the flow of presents for any occasion seriously dwindles) but because you get to celebrate one more year of blessings, one more year of growing and evolving…one more year of learning and most importantly one more year of loving…
I turned 49 and I feel amazing, well first of all I don’t feel 49 but I am in awe that I have been on this earth for that long…I guess it would be appropriate for me to finally embrace the fact that I am indeed an adult (even though most days I don’t feel like adulting)…however, if that means I have to stop having tickle fests or impromptu dance parties with my kids and P, or having uncontrollable fits of the giggles at the most inappropriate times or having a midnight snack and watching Harry Potter then I don’t wanna….
I have never been one of those people who tries to hide her age or subtracts a certain amount of years when calculating it (one of my aunts allegedly kept reducing her age as the years went on until finally the age displayed on her drivers license was 3 years older than the age of her adult son) and when I tell people that I am looking forward to turning 50 next year the reaction is usually what I call the ‘padded room look’ which silently makes the assumption that I am nuts!!
I have to say though that I really am looking forward to it…
So next year I will be 50, I would have lived for half a century on this earth and I see this as a rite of passage, a fantastic milestone, an unparalleled achievement (well at least until I get to 100). The way I see it is that I will be old enough to have the benefit of the wisdom gained through years of experience but still young enough to enjoy and capitalize on the lessons that I have learnt!!! What can top that?
That is not to say that I feel as if I will suddenly have ‘arrived’ and have nothing left to learn…quite on the contrary, I think that the older we get the more we realize just how little we actually know and just how much more there is to learn and I think we should embrace that. We realize just how precious life is and that at the end of it all we want to have something to show for it. I want people to recognize me not for what material stuff I have amassed, that does have its place but more important is how you affect other people…the mark you make….they say (I am still wondering who ‘they’ are) that a person will not necessarily remember what you said to them but they will always remember how you made them feel…
In recent times I went to the funeral service for P’s best friend and I was touched by what his friends and family had to say about him, the way he lived his life, his steadfastness, his integrity, his humility and his huge heart…and I knew (as everyone else present that day did) that his was a life well lived!!!
I make the conscious choice to live not to just exist!!! To embrace and to explore!!! To live outside of my comfort zone, the schedules and the todo lists!!! (Ok well maybe I will still have the lists but accept that the world will NOT come to an end if I don’t check off all the items on the list everyday)….
Nowadays I have an even greater yearning to travel and when I look at blogs like My Jetset Lifestyle and look at the amazing photos, I have the urge to quit my job and board a plane to some exotic destination (of course I would need the job to fund the trip and I am pretty sure that my kids and P, not to mention the dogs, would have questions but you get the gist…)
My ‘yearning for learning‘ increases the older I get and the stuff I want to learn about is not only found in text books but from people’s personal experiences especially those who have completely disparate backgrounds and who are radically different from me…I am particularly in awe of those who have survived the most unspeakable experiences and have turned it into an opportunity to grow and inspire…Today I was listening to Oprah’s interview with Elie Wiesel whose entire family including his 7 year old sister was gassed in Auschwitz, he was the only survivor – I was blown away…how does one get through that?
I would love to learn to garden (my Mom has a green thumb, I definitely have a brown one and have been known to kill cacti – not kidding ask P)…we have lovely yard space which to date is bare largely because our dogs who are part goat would eat anything and everything as puppies and who have only now just matured (I hope) and have turned their concentration to digging a very large hole (possibly to China) to the side of the house and have left the plants to their own devices.
I have my glorious gardens board on Pinterest and as I scroll through photos I know which ones inspire me when I see them I am just not so sure yet how to transcribe them to our yard…But I want make this a work in progress that will always remind me of this time in my life…a time of growth and colour and wonderful scents….
Next year is shaping up to be a big year for me, not just because of the birthday, and I have decided that in my 49th year, in preparation for my 50th, I am going to spend this year in gratitude consciously trying to celebrate key moments and be present, mindful, making memories and celebrating my life and who I am and those who walk this journey with me…
I will make a concerted effort to stop living in my head and actually show up every day for this journey – this will undoubtedly be a challenge for me but from past experience when I am present and connected to the flow of the Universe (plugged into the matrix) I am able to enjoy life at a different level and the opportunities and people that come across my path as well as the resultant exchanges are phenomenal…
I want to learn more about myself and the people closest to me (and those not that close to me)….I want to continue my journey of introspection and growth, I want to get even better at being grateful and complain less, I want to be more tolerant and patient….I want to have more time outside in nature, I want to make more time for yoga and meditation…I want to continue to care less and less about what people think and work on being my most authentic self (I have gotten better at this)…I want to strengthen my relationship with the divine….
Simply put I want to be a better human not only for me but also because I want this to be my legacy to my babies to teach them what is important in life and how to really live….
Happy Earthday to me!!!