So today is Ash Wednesday – the beginning of the Lenten Season. In Jamaica it is a public holiday, a day meant for quiet reflection, prayer and church..here in Antigua it is a regular day – work and school etc. Today as I was getting ready for work I was listening to someone on the TV talking about stability in life and how sometimes you wake up and think that you are going to have a perfect day but with one small unplanned event that changes in the blink of an eye. The speaker went on to say that we should be prepared for these eventualities and discussed what methods we could employ to best deal with them..that has happened to each of us, myself included, but little did I know that this would be the case for me today…
My entire day was planned out including a meeting in the morning, mass at lunchtime, picking up Gianna in the late afternoon and various things in between, until I got a call from school to say that G was sick. Went to pick her up and ended up spending a very stressful day by her side while she roasted with fever, cried because her head hurt so bad and threw up..my wonderful friends were so very supportive and helpful and pretty soon by the time evening rolled around she was doing much better…
It was very clear to me though (and I have had this revelation several times before) that once you become a parent your heart no longer resides inside your body but it walks around on its own growing, learning, laughing, playing and loving..it is amazing how your day can change in an instant and instead of being filled with peace and joy and sunshine it is suddenly filled with fear and stress because your little one is sick and you are helpless to do anything except wait for the medicine to work…
Motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to me and by far the most important job I will ever have. It has changed my life for the better and I marvel at who I have become because of this little girl who I call daughter..I marvel at how much she has taught me about life and about myself and I marvel at how much I can love another human being and to what lengths I would go to protect and nurture her…
I am relieved to say that she is feeling so much better and although most of the items on my list got thrown out of the window today (except for the meeting) it was all worth it when I spoke to her on the phone and she, trying to hold back the tears and sound brave, told me how badly her head was hurting…it was worth it to hear the relief in her voice when I told her that I was coming home right away..she looked so small and scared in the bed and you only had to look into her beautiful eyes to know how sick she was feeling…she was trying to be so grown up and so brave and I sat on the bed having given her the prescribed medication, helpless to do anything except pray that it would work soon and she would be back to normal..
On this day which should have been spent in quiet prayer and reflection I give thanks, not only for the true meaning of this season and the unbelievable sacrifice that was made for us..but tonight I give thanks that my heart is feeling much better and is currently laughing and playing right beside me on the bed as I type this…
Love and Light…
I am Kat 